There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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