is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it's like heaven, but drunker
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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