is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
