p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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