Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
