is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
