the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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