what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
