Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
