Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
