OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
