im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
