stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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