He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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