If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
