I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
