i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
