You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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