what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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