no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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