spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
