Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
it hurts more in the daytime
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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