sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
