even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
