my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My friends, they love my intelligence
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize