All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
