Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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