Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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