left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
