bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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