Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
