we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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