the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
