why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
