And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
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I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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