Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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