there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
