Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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