Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
