Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
