i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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