walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize