evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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