I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
