6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
