I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
