Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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