We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
