There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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