Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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