I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
