he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
