I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
