dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
