I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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