You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
