morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
