my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
