Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize