He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
