The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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