I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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