I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize